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Clearing the Air.

Wanted to do a backdated log of what happened to me so far.

Its kinda funny that for the month of june, there are only 2 entries .

After the wonderful celebration of Bb Raine turning one, just when i thought things are going great for me, a series of events hit me like the tsunami disaster 04.

Ok, i'm kidding.

Not that devastating.

But serious enough to almost drive me crazy.

Before i start, i think i mentioned before to update about myself, about why i quit etc etc.

Here goes:

Why the sudden decision to for "early release" ( quitting is such a harsh term! >.<)

Many people think i am crazy. Throwing away my career at its peak. Wasting 8 years of my time to get to where i am now but to give it all up just like that.

Some people even spread rumors saying that i cannot cope in a combat unit or that i got a better job offer outside.

Oh Geez.... * roll eyes*

Not that i don't enjoy my work, there are times when you experience job burnout but other than that, i think this job changed me a lot, toughen me up and made me stronger and better person. The experiences i have in the past 8 years ( from BMT to training to East Timor to Aceh to NZ) i guess not many females will ever experience .

Bb Raine is the main reason to spark off this decision.

Bb Raine made me change my perception in life.
How i used to think i am so tough and all.
That work is everything.
That the world is my playground.
I can do whatever that i want.
But now, even a simple trip to NZ as an evaluator in Feb makes me miss her so much, it made me realised that i don't want to miss her part of growing up to serve all this people who probably don't even remember who the fark SSG Sandy is but i know that if i am there for her, it'll make the whole lot of difference to her, to me, to us.

I am a mother, this is primary, everything else pales.

Other people ask me to ask for a transfer etc, tell me to stay on till the contract ends ( which is may 09), get the graduity and then leave.

Sigh.

Sometimes money is not everything.

For me is simple. I am a combatant, i chiong. If i can't perform my role as a combatant, then i might as well go back and be a nurse. I don't want to hang on to a combantant label, get combatant pay but shortchange the organisation by giving excuses like "my child is still young, i need to go back and take care of her etc etc"

When asked to go, be it a mission or operation, i want to be able to say "what time to report" instead of "i need to check with my husband if there is anyone to take care of bb"

I want to be able to give my all, but in an event i can't, i step down.

Another reason is due to the nature of smellycat's job.

We are working in the same organisation but his is probably 10 times more high risk than mine.
There are instances in our career then both of us is gone to serve and now with Bb raine in the picture, i guess it is only appropriate for one of us to step down so that the other one can serve with no worries.
Knowing that everything is ok back home .

For example, if i didn't choose to leave, i will be leaving for india for work in mid oct to nov and smellycat will be leaving for work concurrently from sep to end dec, which means that Bb raine will have both parents overseas for the period of oct -nov! Not to mention the prep that we have to do before going and what if anything happens to her when we are away? I can't bring myself to think of that....

So after much discussion, a series of interviews ( more than 5!!!) .... i am no longer SSG Sandy Wong with effect from 28th May 07. Back to cilivian life, now Ms. Sandy Wong. Mrs Ong also can.

Wahahahhahaha. Kinda corny i know.

And I will really miss the great friends i have at work.

As for the new job, i will be working as a clinic nurse in united world college ( school nurse) in august.
Really thank God for this good job offer and now in the meantime:
-i am dabbling in property ( part time property agent)- learning the ropes, very interesting actually.
-Trying my best to lvl my priest in world of warcraft ( it is not easy when you are a HOLY priest, many times i really wanted to go SHADOW!)
-Promised Avia to get our Blythe online store up but procrastining ( so sooorrryyy babe! i promise to get it up and going.....soon... heheheeh)
-Spending as much time as possible with Bb Raine.
- Taking care of Papi.

Which leads me to why things are not so bright for me.

My dearest Papi has a stroke.

Being in the medical profession, this is supposed to be part and parcel of life. But i guess that when it is your own family members, things are not so easy to accept. ( The irony thing is that i did stroke as my project for my paramedic lvl 3 medical case study *faint*)

Not to mentioned that the weekend that he got it, Bb raine was running a 40 degrees celsius fever and me having a super bad sinusitis, sore thoart - the works topped with a cherry. I had to rush Bb raine to the children's A&E in KKWCH before popping back CGH to see papi.

Garlic and mummyhelen is not in town at that time and i try to be there as often as possible for Papi coz i know how lonely and worried you can be alone in the hospital.

Till now i really wish that this is a nitemare and i will wake up from it and that Papi is well and all. I know it is just a stroke, as least he is not dying from cancer etc.

I am also thankful for this fact.

But those who know my papi will know that to lose one side of control of his body will be a very great impact to him with regards to his lifestyle and career.
Papi is a life planner with great eastern pte ltd, a VSC ASP in SPF , active football manager for his VSC soccer team, loves to travel, not to mention his martial arts background.

And not to be able to do all these?
*i cannot believe myself to be tearing as i am typing this entry now*

I think he is coping better than me, though still having right sided weakness, he is able to help himself up to sit on the chair after 1 week of physio. And i am very proud of him for it.

The only thing i probably regret is i never bug him enough to impart some of his martial arts skills to me, especially his "chopstick" skills that i wanted to learn badly from him since young.

Sigh............

We also need to sell the current flat that Papi is staying in as it is a walk up apartment and in his condition, it is almost impossible to walk up 3 storeys worth of stairs.

Sigh .............sigh............

Anyway, i always believe that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger .
So i believe that Papi will be up and going in no time.
( actually it'll probably takes a year before he can cruise like before)

As for me, i think i really need to learn to loosen up, get a breather and not let the stress get to me.

After all, life goes on whether you like it or not.

:p