Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Going to the Beach will never be the same again.

There is a story behind every picture.

I was uploading my photos from my phone when i chanced upon this pic .

I really don't know what to say, feelings overwhelmed me and i told myself that i need to blog this immediately.

This seems like a father and daughter skipping pebbles pic .

But the lesson this pic taught me- its constant reminder to me that how selfless VioletKitty's love to me could be.

It all started with VioletKitty's Piano Masterclass. In short, she was restless (probably due to her missing her naptime) , wasn't paying attention in class and didn't play her piano piece as well as she could have ( she played the piece better at home) . I was pissed with her. It was evident all over my face. Even VioletKitty's Piano Classmates' Mummies could see it in me. Telling me to chill it....

I really don't know what gotten into me that day. It was like a pent up frustration (from what i really don't know, definitely not PMS) building and even Smellycat can sense that she probably screwed up her masterclass recital.

VioletKitty knew that she screwed it up and she tried to make things right, asking me.....

Violet Kitty: Did i play well just now?
Me: What do you think? (and i shot her a look)
VioletKitty: Noooo....  * cue sad puppy dog face*
Me: Glad that you know that . (shot her a look again)

(typing this makes me realize what a F@arked up mum i was at that time)

Sometimes i forgot that i am dealing with a 6 year old, maybe due to the Singa Mother in me, i always felt that VioletKitty could be pushed. Just like what it was mentioned in the Tiger Mom book, Asian Parents wanted the child to do the best they can and i know that today is not even half of her best and i let it eat into me.

Smellycat wanted to bring her to see Toys at Taka to cheer her up but me still feeling angsty told him off that since when screwing up your masterclass recital gets to go see Toys? What kinda screwed up logic is that??

(Smellycat in that aspect is one person even though he acted like a total couldn't care less dad to the world but all he wanted was his VioletKitty to be happy. )

We were on the way home in the car when Smellycat decided that even it is to incur the wrath of the singa mom, he will give a last shot to make his Violet Kitty happy.

Smellycat: Do you wanna go anywhere?
VioletKitty: Er.... *sneaking a look at me*
Me: * Pretending to look outside the window*
VioletKitty: Can we go to the beach?
Smellycat: You sure? You don't wanna go see Toys?
VioletKitty: Yes Daddy, can we go to the beach please??
SmellyCat: So we go to the Beach huh?
Me: *Ignoring them*

At that point of time i was really pissed. Pissed +++++++++ I was thinking, this smellycat really trying to antagonize me , undermine my way of discipling our daughter, since when when you screwed things up, you get rewarded for it???

When we are at the beach, i chose to ignore them, and stood somewhere far away from them , hating every minute of it. Especially when i am wearing my pumps and sand is getting into it.

But somehow watching this Silly Smellycat skipping pebbles with VioletKitty, picking up seashells, digging at the sand have a calming effect. After awhile, i don't feel that angry anymore, i felt calmer and i even felt silly for being angry.

Why did i get angry at a 6 year old for not meeting my expectations? She is only 6 for goodness sake!

So i took off my pumps, felt the soft sand beneath my toes and walked towards them.

VioletKitty smiled at me and asked me to try to skip the pebbles.
I told her i'll just sit and watch.

And that is when i took that picture.

But my humbling moment came after this.

VioletKitty held my hand when we are walking along the beach and she told me this:
VioletKitty: Do you like coming to the beach mummy?
Me: It's ok.
VioletKitty: See! I know that coming to the beach is correct!
Me: ?
VioletKitty: I know that you would like coming to the beach , to listen to the waves, to walk on the sand, very nice right? All these will make you not angry anymore.
Me: .......
VioletKitty: I know that you are angry because i never pay attention . So when Daddy ask me where to go, i want to go see toys but i know coming to the beach will make you happy. So i ask daddy to bring us here because i want you to be happy.

My heart cringed that moment.

My heart cringed coz why am i so mean to someone so pure and so full of love?

I am really blessed to have VioletKitty as my Child. One that love me so unconditionally even though i was so mean to her (at that point of time).

Screw all those Singa/Tiger mom shit.

All i want now is to be Violet's Mum.

To love this Little Kitty Angel that God sent to love us.

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